a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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