Jerry, you need to find god
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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