so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went