i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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