Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
