There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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