i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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