you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
