Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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