I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
