I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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