but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
