is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
