Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
