First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize