on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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