I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
