There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
