im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
