If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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