By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
