Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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