He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
