I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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