My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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