she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
