Umm I'm too high to move.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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