It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
