My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
