So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
