i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
