Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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