I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
