tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
