Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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