im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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