He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
