so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
