If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
