I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?