Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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