He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
