yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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