you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
