Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
