READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize