I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
