The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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