Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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