It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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