We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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