Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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