I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
