He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
