i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the liver wants what the liver wants
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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