ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
